Mitt Hears a Heavenly Message

Mitt Romney got the message, the message that caused him to announce he had to quit campaigning to be the Republican nominee for president.

One can bet the message came the day after last Tuesday, Super Tuesday, and it wasn’t the one the voters posted, which gave John McCain a commanding lead in the Republican race over Romney and Mike Huckabee, the Arkansas quipster whose giggles give fellow evangelicals hot flashes of the Rapture.

No, the message had to come from big Republican donors and players on the Republican National Committee: Quit now, Mitt, and Johnny McCain–if you’re nice and raise some dough for him soon–might make you our nominee for vice-president.

After all, McCain’s the oldest old boy who might become president. If he does and you’re vice president, well, all you have to do is wait and you’ll be president. You can read the actuary tables as well as anybody. His chances of living through a first term are less than one in two. His chances of living through a second term are nearly zip, you know that, Mitt. Be nice, raise some bucks and tell all the Bible and Book of Mormon thumpers and other conservatives supporting you to switch to John. You don’t have to tell them that switching to John might give them you, if they’re patient. They’ll figure that out.

You do that, quit and kiss John, and we’ll crank up Fox News, The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Times and our blogmeisters to start calling for you as vice president and saying you’re proof John’s worthy of the vote of our hardheads.

And, by the way, Mitt, pat John on the rump, and our folks will begin polishing up Mormonism. You want a monument to Joseph Smith, with a fountain maybe, near the Washington Monument? Here’s your chance to start getting a marble pedestal for old Joe.

That’s what I think happened a couple of days ago, and Mitt, without even the necessity of a trumpet blast from Angel Moroni, had a revelation that he shared this a.m.: I quit (Hear me John McCain?).