It surprises not that archaeologists now think Stonehenge marks a burial ground for cremated notables of three millennia ago.
The place the only time I viewed it reminded me of several marble orchards I had visited here and there on the West Coast save, perhaps, for a handful of shabbily dressed middle-aged white folks performing incensed Druid rituals in and among the sightseers enduring the rain and wind that sweep Stonehenge.
The archaeologists say they’ve figured out the place was used by worthies with clout because a few objects signifying power have shown up in the holes containing ashes, bone remnants, teeth.
George W. Bush intends to be buried there, not cremated but whole, clutching a symbol of his presidential days, a copy of Mad Magazine.
This news about Stonehenge broke along with reports of White House counterattacks upon the sanity and sense of Scott McClellan, Bush’s former press secretary, whose new book reports that Dr. Goebbels could have profited by taking propaganda lessons from the President, VP Cheney, Carl Rove and other liars.
McClellan offers such tidbits as that Bush told a friend that the parties he used to attend were so wild he couldn’t remember whether he had snorted cocaine and that Bush admitted in private that he had authorized leaking the name of Valerie Wilson, an undercover CIA agent, to the press, as a way of getting back her husband.
Such leaking is a felony under federal law. No one took a direct fall for the leak. But Bush and Cheney generously let I. Lewis Libby Jr., Cheney’s right hand, go to prison for lying to FBI agents and a grand jury investigating the crime. Betting’s strong that Bush will pardon Libby, the good soldier but bad liar, before Bush leaves the White House next January.
Naturally these worthies and their flunkies now attack McClellan as a nut case for speaking of these family matters best left unvoiced, at least in polite Republican circles, where rich white folks dream up ways for poor whites, blacks, Asiatics and Hispanics to get themselves killed in Army uniforms.
They dare not attack McClellan, of course, of having been loony when he fronted for Bush, Cheney and Rove before the whining White House press corps. That would imply that Bush et. al. were lunatics too. So they do the obvious: Go tch-tch that McClellan’s lost his way and is lying about them now to make a few bucks, or worse, to get belly rubs from liberal elitist New York book editors.
Oh, the horror of it! The truth, that is.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
New Air Screwum Fares and Fees Announced
Air Screwum today announced new fares and fees for its nationwide services-- prices bound, its officials said, to be copied by the rest of the nation’s domestic airlines.
“We learned from the oil companies that the best way to make money in the airline business is to conspire,” said Jocko Jacks, founder, president, CEO, CFO and CUB (Chief Union Buster) of Air Screwum.
“And the easiest way for airlines to do that, without talking about it other than at cocktail parties, is to rotate being first to raise fares and fees, thus avoiding the possibility of federal price-fixing indictments. Of course so long a Republican sits in the White House there’s no chance of that happening anyway, but it’s better to keep up the practice than lose your skills.”
Jacks said the only way to view the new Air Screwum fares is to go to Screwum.com, where daily fare changes post each morning beginning at 6 a.m. EST.
“Mainly, thanks to the excuse of rising oil prices, we intend to double our fares by the end of summer.”
He also had flunkies at the press conference handout a sheet of new boarding and onboard fees for all tourist-class passengers:
–To check one bag: $50.
–To check on bag with a bomb: $500.
–Each carry-on bag (no bigger than a shaving kit under new rules): $25.
–Each use of flight attendant to cram a carry-on bag into a space too small: $25.
–Each seat with leg room: $50.
–Each aisle seat: $50, no matter with leg room or not.
–Each seat without a fat person sitting next to it: $100.
–Each use of a toilet: $10.
–Each pee in a toilet: $5.
–Each crap in a toilet: $10.
–Each sheet of toilet paper: $1.
–Each use of soap: $1.
–Each towel: $1.
–Each fart, whether in toilet or in seat, as measured by computerized Fart-O-Meters: $2.
–Each cup of water: $5.
–Each cup of coffee: $7.
–Each peanut (individually packaged): $1.
–Each 100-calorie meal: $10.
–Each heart attack: $1,000.
–Each resuscitation by electric shocker : $5,000 (paid in advance by cash or credit card).
–Each resuscitation by mouth-to-mouth: $10,000, in advance.
–Each hijacking: $1 million, paid before boarding, cash only, Euros only or Saudi oil futures.
–Each last will and testament: $10,000 if on standard flight-deck forms.
–Each in-flight prayer: $50, if Christian; $1 million if Moslem or other.
–Each drink of hard liquor: (Please ask attendants for daily price, minimum $15).
“There are other fees we’ve had to raise to keep ourselves solvent and to keep fuel tanks full enough to get each flight to an airport, even if it’s not the one you want,” Jacks said.
He said there will no cost for sitting for hours on a delayed flight. “We looked at that,” he said, “but couldn’t come up with a good figure for each breath of stale air. We will be charging in the future, though, for each rage by passengers crazed by claustrophobia, high temperatures, lack of air, water and toilets.”
“People make a lot out of little things,” Jack said, “an each attendant they beat up costs us money. So we’re going to have to charge for that.”
Air Screwum’s stock price advanced 40 percent today on Wall Street upon Jacks’ announcement.
“We learned from the oil companies that the best way to make money in the airline business is to conspire,” said Jocko Jacks, founder, president, CEO, CFO and CUB (Chief Union Buster) of Air Screwum.
“And the easiest way for airlines to do that, without talking about it other than at cocktail parties, is to rotate being first to raise fares and fees, thus avoiding the possibility of federal price-fixing indictments. Of course so long a Republican sits in the White House there’s no chance of that happening anyway, but it’s better to keep up the practice than lose your skills.”
Jacks said the only way to view the new Air Screwum fares is to go to Screwum.com, where daily fare changes post each morning beginning at 6 a.m. EST.
“Mainly, thanks to the excuse of rising oil prices, we intend to double our fares by the end of summer.”
He also had flunkies at the press conference handout a sheet of new boarding and onboard fees for all tourist-class passengers:
–To check one bag: $50.
–To check on bag with a bomb: $500.
–Each carry-on bag (no bigger than a shaving kit under new rules): $25.
–Each use of flight attendant to cram a carry-on bag into a space too small: $25.
–Each seat with leg room: $50.
–Each aisle seat: $50, no matter with leg room or not.
–Each seat without a fat person sitting next to it: $100.
–Each use of a toilet: $10.
–Each pee in a toilet: $5.
–Each crap in a toilet: $10.
–Each sheet of toilet paper: $1.
–Each use of soap: $1.
–Each towel: $1.
–Each fart, whether in toilet or in seat, as measured by computerized Fart-O-Meters: $2.
–Each cup of water: $5.
–Each cup of coffee: $7.
–Each peanut (individually packaged): $1.
–Each 100-calorie meal: $10.
–Each heart attack: $1,000.
–Each resuscitation by electric shocker : $5,000 (paid in advance by cash or credit card).
–Each resuscitation by mouth-to-mouth: $10,000, in advance.
–Each hijacking: $1 million, paid before boarding, cash only, Euros only or Saudi oil futures.
–Each last will and testament: $10,000 if on standard flight-deck forms.
–Each in-flight prayer: $50, if Christian; $1 million if Moslem or other.
–Each drink of hard liquor: (Please ask attendants for daily price, minimum $15).
“There are other fees we’ve had to raise to keep ourselves solvent and to keep fuel tanks full enough to get each flight to an airport, even if it’s not the one you want,” Jacks said.
He said there will no cost for sitting for hours on a delayed flight. “We looked at that,” he said, “but couldn’t come up with a good figure for each breath of stale air. We will be charging in the future, though, for each rage by passengers crazed by claustrophobia, high temperatures, lack of air, water and toilets.”
“People make a lot out of little things,” Jack said, “an each attendant they beat up costs us money. So we’re going to have to charge for that.”
Air Screwum’s stock price advanced 40 percent today on Wall Street upon Jacks’ announcement.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
McBush Sees Victory in Bottom of Teacup
John McBush McCain with a prescience unknown in the histories of statesmanship predicts the U.S. war in Iraq will end with victory in 2013–implicity, at the beginning of his second term as president, after a first term impressing the Iraqi rebels with how tough he is and by extension how tough the U.S. Army can become.
McBush’s reading of the of the bottom of his cup of Orange Pekoe refreshes. Most actual or would-be leaders–witness the man McBush wishes to become–predict wars, at their beginnings, to be over in a few days or months, with their side victorious. All of the leading brains of Europe knew in August 1914 the little spat between the Austrians and Germans and the Serbs, French and English and Russians would see the their troops staging victory parades just as Santa Claus or Father Christmas made his next appearance.
But McBush fought his war in Vietnam, where it took the Vietnamese six years to kick our asses out of their country. On no evidence whatever except the successful stubbornness of several of the sides in the Iraqi religious civil war, McBush hunches that this little dustup ruining his nation’s military forces and treasury and currency and economy may last a little longer–four more years than our defeat in Vietnam.
So far none of the press I’ve read has bothered to see what other sages say about McBush’s reading of the omens. After all, he is either a soothsayer or a fool and either eminently prepares him to lead this great nation where 70 percent of the population routinely report to strangers polling on the phone that they expect Satan to tapdance on the street corners and pitchfork passing souls into the eternal fires.
McBush’s reading of the of the bottom of his cup of Orange Pekoe refreshes. Most actual or would-be leaders–witness the man McBush wishes to become–predict wars, at their beginnings, to be over in a few days or months, with their side victorious. All of the leading brains of Europe knew in August 1914 the little spat between the Austrians and Germans and the Serbs, French and English and Russians would see the their troops staging victory parades just as Santa Claus or Father Christmas made his next appearance.
But McBush fought his war in Vietnam, where it took the Vietnamese six years to kick our asses out of their country. On no evidence whatever except the successful stubbornness of several of the sides in the Iraqi religious civil war, McBush hunches that this little dustup ruining his nation’s military forces and treasury and currency and economy may last a little longer–four more years than our defeat in Vietnam.
So far none of the press I’ve read has bothered to see what other sages say about McBush’s reading of the omens. After all, he is either a soothsayer or a fool and either eminently prepares him to lead this great nation where 70 percent of the population routinely report to strangers polling on the phone that they expect Satan to tapdance on the street corners and pitchfork passing souls into the eternal fires.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
McBush Sucks for Monarchists' Votes
Sen. John (McBush) McCain spent May 13 near Seattle meeting with a group of superannuated local Republicans who still mumble lip service to the environment, though in practice for the past 20 years their efforts for the environment have chiefly been silence and sometimes error and even deliberate attack.
The session was closed to the public, for reasons neither major Seattle paper nor Associated Press made clear.
When reporters did question McCain none apparently managed to ask him why environmental organizations rank McCain’s efforts for the environment well below 40 percent.
Nor apparently did anyone weasel in a query about McCain’s recent harangue about “activist judges,” a Republican and otherwise reactionary cliche about judges who render opinions based on law that run afoul of conservative dogmas–such as, for instance, saying prisoners held by the U.S. must be afforded the Constitutional privilege of being able to have lawyers and be able to question witnesses. Oh, the horror of it! Especially since 60 percent of federal judges now sitting are Republicans, appointed by such Marxists as Ronald Reagan, George Bush I and George Bush II.
McBush made his pro-forma howl about federal judges to ear-suck votes from the many monarchists of the right who slaver to give the President, provided he’s Republican, the powers of Roman emperor. (What they will do when a Democratic president claims the same powers I dare not think: Fall on their martini glasses probably.)
Even when McBush made his announcement, no reporters then bothered to ask McBush whether he would appoint another Catholic to the Supreme Court, where five Catholics–Alito, Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia and Thomas-- now make up the conservative majority and usually strain the law through eyes of good Catholic boys who memorized their catechisms and think the present mob of self-annoited eunuchs in the Vatican can have nothing but the purest thoughts.
McBush so far has enjoyed a pleasant life with the pressies who follow him around, chiefly, by all accounts, because he likes to sit down with reporters to B.S. and have a snort, two things reporters love because it (A) makes them feel important, (B) may provide a news story with a new lead and (C) because in good conscience they may put the booze on their expense accounts.
Unfortunately, all that denies the rest of us a chance to see what McBush says when he has to answer an intelligent, hard-ass question and so reveal the qualities of mind and character he wants to elevate into the Oval Office, where he can snooze away his latter years, interrupted only when the Vice President comes by daily to take his pulse and blood pressure.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Is the Rev. Wright Wrong? Only Sometimes.
Over half of the U.S. voting-age population never lived when the federal government and states, counties and localities enforced racial discrimination against blacks, Asiatics, native Americans and others not so lucky as to be born white, and against Jews, so dumb as not to be born Christian, preferably Protestant.
They did not see citizens of Japanese descent herded, at bayonet point if need be, into dismal concentration camps in western deserts, put there during the Second World War by members of the stupidly and incorrectly labeled “Greatest Generation.”
They never saw signs in restaurants saying “No Colored Served” and sometime “No Niggers Served.” They never examined the tawdry furnishings, broken blackboards and tattered books (if any) nor inferior beans and other grub ladled up in the cafeterias of segregated schools for blacks in rich Southern and Northern towns.
The whites among them never went forth with children and cameras in hand to look at the body of the latest lynched black swinging in the wind.
They never read the articles in Time, Newsweek and other national magazines mocking the physical and intellectual attainments of people different from the owners and editors, never listened to radio programs mocking nonwhites and Jews or watched films in which all blacks, often portrayed by white actors, were clowns or crooks, and all Indians, usually played by white actors, were meant to be shot or sworded by some noble white guy, like John Wayne, who never served in the military.
During the war of the Greatest Generation, the American military was segregated and remained so until Harry Truman, as commander in chief, ordered integration–an order detested and often disobeyed by the generals and admirals of the Greatest Generation, especially the admirals.
What changed all that, somewhat? Chiefly the Civil Rights Act of 1964, one of Lyndon Johnson’s many great legislative achievements, which couldn’t have come about had television not shown on the evening news police whipping, gassing, clubbing and whipping black men, women and children marching for their rights.
Many of us, however, still remember all of those injustices and have seen many injustices continue since 1964, not least of which remains the segregation of schools, now blessed by the Five Catholic majority on the U.S. Supreme Court.
Is it any wonder someone like the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who did see and who did experience the racial prejudices and cruelties that exist to this day in America the Beautiful (for White Folks), might sail over the edge in his late years?
Is Wright wrong to say that America gets attacked because of injustices it has inflicted on dark-skinned people around the world? Hardly. All one has to do is read a good history of the CIA–Tim Weiner’s “Legacy of Ashes,” for example–to know that noble agency spends most of its time and wads of our money supporting tyrants and dictators ruling over and terrorizing people of dusky hue.
Is Wright wrong to say “God, damn America?” Note the comma. Does God in theory support all our wars? Note we’ve fought all of our recent wars against people of color other than white. Such people around the world and in the U.S. appreciate keenly that the country that preens itself as being the home of the brave and the land of the free spends its treasure and blood trying to make sure, in the name of oil and bananas, that many people never become free of kings and other tyrants.
Yes, Wright is wrong, very wrong, about AIDS. But note that many evangelical white preachers still yawp on the TV and radio that God created AIDS to give homosexuals hell on earth.
And, yes, Wright is a foolish old man–foolish to pull his pants down in public for the press to heehaw and for the many racists still among us to holler as a good reason for not voting for Barrack Obama.
Obama is trying to make the best of bad things–his former preacher slipping over the edge and the obvious message that deep in their hearts many whites fear and detest blacks and will not vote one.
Hilary Clinton is making the best of a bad thing–this racist backlash that may cause many blacks, main supporters of the Democratic Party, to refuse to vote for her if she beats Obama for the Democrats’ presidential nomination.
And can we expect the Republicans, who have deliberately practiced racist politics for the past 30 years, not to poke up racist fears if Obama does get the nomination? Hardly. They will try to liquidate him by parading Wright and any other black they can mock or make fearsome. That’s part of the standard Republican playbook. And merely a reflection of the American way, after all.
They did not see citizens of Japanese descent herded, at bayonet point if need be, into dismal concentration camps in western deserts, put there during the Second World War by members of the stupidly and incorrectly labeled “Greatest Generation.”
They never saw signs in restaurants saying “No Colored Served” and sometime “No Niggers Served.” They never examined the tawdry furnishings, broken blackboards and tattered books (if any) nor inferior beans and other grub ladled up in the cafeterias of segregated schools for blacks in rich Southern and Northern towns.
The whites among them never went forth with children and cameras in hand to look at the body of the latest lynched black swinging in the wind.
They never read the articles in Time, Newsweek and other national magazines mocking the physical and intellectual attainments of people different from the owners and editors, never listened to radio programs mocking nonwhites and Jews or watched films in which all blacks, often portrayed by white actors, were clowns or crooks, and all Indians, usually played by white actors, were meant to be shot or sworded by some noble white guy, like John Wayne, who never served in the military.
During the war of the Greatest Generation, the American military was segregated and remained so until Harry Truman, as commander in chief, ordered integration–an order detested and often disobeyed by the generals and admirals of the Greatest Generation, especially the admirals.
What changed all that, somewhat? Chiefly the Civil Rights Act of 1964, one of Lyndon Johnson’s many great legislative achievements, which couldn’t have come about had television not shown on the evening news police whipping, gassing, clubbing and whipping black men, women and children marching for their rights.
Many of us, however, still remember all of those injustices and have seen many injustices continue since 1964, not least of which remains the segregation of schools, now blessed by the Five Catholic majority on the U.S. Supreme Court.
Is it any wonder someone like the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who did see and who did experience the racial prejudices and cruelties that exist to this day in America the Beautiful (for White Folks), might sail over the edge in his late years?
Is Wright wrong to say that America gets attacked because of injustices it has inflicted on dark-skinned people around the world? Hardly. All one has to do is read a good history of the CIA–Tim Weiner’s “Legacy of Ashes,” for example–to know that noble agency spends most of its time and wads of our money supporting tyrants and dictators ruling over and terrorizing people of dusky hue.
Is Wright wrong to say “God, damn America?” Note the comma. Does God in theory support all our wars? Note we’ve fought all of our recent wars against people of color other than white. Such people around the world and in the U.S. appreciate keenly that the country that preens itself as being the home of the brave and the land of the free spends its treasure and blood trying to make sure, in the name of oil and bananas, that many people never become free of kings and other tyrants.
Yes, Wright is wrong, very wrong, about AIDS. But note that many evangelical white preachers still yawp on the TV and radio that God created AIDS to give homosexuals hell on earth.
And, yes, Wright is a foolish old man–foolish to pull his pants down in public for the press to heehaw and for the many racists still among us to holler as a good reason for not voting for Barrack Obama.
Obama is trying to make the best of bad things–his former preacher slipping over the edge and the obvious message that deep in their hearts many whites fear and detest blacks and will not vote one.
Hilary Clinton is making the best of a bad thing–this racist backlash that may cause many blacks, main supporters of the Democratic Party, to refuse to vote for her if she beats Obama for the Democrats’ presidential nomination.
And can we expect the Republicans, who have deliberately practiced racist politics for the past 30 years, not to poke up racist fears if Obama does get the nomination? Hardly. They will try to liquidate him by parading Wright and any other black they can mock or make fearsome. That’s part of the standard Republican playbook. And merely a reflection of the American way, after all.
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